Dubito, ergo Cogito, ergo Sum

I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am. Currently I have chosen to doubt my purpose in life.

So, what is the purpose of my existence in this world? Do I have a purpose at all? Does this single individual, living in this infinitesimally small city, in one of the smallest states in USA which is certainly not the largest country on earth, an average sized planet in the solar system, a motley collection of 8 (previously 9) planets in the milky way, one of the 80 billion observable galaxies in the universe, have a specific, custom made, specially designed purpose?

Isn’t it hard to believe that God sent this soul down to earth after traversing all the above with some specific hitherto unexcavated purpose? Isn’t it hard to believe that he has sent each of the 7 billion humans adorning (or should I say infesting) this planet with perhaps 7 billion unique purposes? Touch your heart and tell me. isn’t it hard to believe? Is it not?

So is this purpose something that is destined for you or something you search for yourself? How is it that some of us despite doing our best to reach someplace or achieve something, end up someplace else many times. So in that case what is our purpose? Is our purpose where we wanted to go or where we ended up going? Why is it that some of us despite wanting something higher, do not have the guts to let go of our current material existence and comfort? Why do we carry on continue doing things in the pretext of sustenance? Or is this what Karma (doing one’s duties for this birth) all about?

Is God the all encompassing powerful force somewhere out there who determines everything? Or is He the nice wonderful smiling supersoul within all of us nudging us time and again to rethink our priorities and preferences, decisions and desires. If our only purpose is to search for God, then should the search be within us and not without?

“Piravipperunkadal Neenthuvar neenthaar
Iraivanadi saeraathaar”, says Thiruvalluvar.

So then what IS my purpose? Is it to attain the Lotus feet of the Lord only? Are all other things only incidental? So do I need to be needlessly elated about successes or dejected about failures in my material life?

Right now, I have a lot of questions, but not many answers. I carry on doing my Karma (duties) for now... But the doubts, the resultant thoughts and questions about my purpose are constantly needling me..

Whatever my doubts about my purpose are, I have none about the existence of God...(I think so) And I shall endeavour to continue searching for Him... whether He is within or without me...

Quo Vadis?

Quo vadis? is a Latin phrase meaning "Where are you going?" or "Whither goest thou?".

So, I ask myself, Quo Vadis? Not this evening, not tomorrow, not this weekend, not this fall... Where am I going in my life? Where am I headed to?

Like many of you, I too am a huge fan of the following lines penned by the inimitable Mahakavi...

தேடிச் சோறுநிதந் தின்று - பல
சின்னஞ் சிறுகதைகள் பேசி - மனம்
வாடித் துன்பமிக உழன்று - பிறர்
வாடப் பலசெயல்கள் செய்து - நரை
கூடிக் கிழப்பருவ மெய்தி - கொடுங்
கூற்றுக் கிரையெனப்பின் மாயும் - பல
வேடிக்கை மனிதரைப் போலே - நான்
வீழ்வேனென்று நினைத் தாயோ?

So every time I am confused about my future, I resort to reminding myself of the above lines and I gain confidence. But then what next? I especially mutter the line “Veezhven ena ninaithaayo” and keep marching ahead. Like a temporary boost of caffeine this line energizes me and pushes me forward.

But then I feel the real crux is in the lesser known but equally significant 2nd stanza...

நின்னைச் சிலவரங்கள் கேட்பேன் - அவை
நேரே இன்றெனக்குத் தருவாய் - என்றன்
முன்னைத் தீயவினைப் பயன்கள் - இன்னும்
மூளா தழிந்திடுதல் வேண்டும் - இனி
என்னைப் புதியவுயி ராக்கி - எனக்
கேதுங் கவலையறச் செய்து - மதி
தன்னை மிகத்தெளிவு செய்து - என்றும்
சந்தோஷங் கொண்டிருக்கச் செய்வாய்...

Here even the great Bharathi bows before the Almighty GOD, the decider of our destiny and requests HIM (or HER?) for a plethora of boons.

As much as the first stanza is invigorating, the second is sobering. It reminds us that though we might be skilled and spirited, being spiritual is also mandatory because we do need the invisible hand of GOD to guide us to our Destiny!!!

So once again I ask myself – ‘Quo Vadis?’ Then I mutter the lines and ramble along...

Why soup? Why me? Why bacon?!??!

Last week I I bought soup from my office canteen. It was a very nice ‘Corn and Bean soup’... I sat in the canteen and just as I was about to eat it, I felt like having the main course first and the soup some time later... So I finished my lunch and brought the soup to my desk..

After some time, I got up to go and microwave the soup.. On my way I spotted a colleague having soup at his desk... I stopped by to say ‘Hi’ and noticed that his soup was of a different colour to mine and there are only 2 options available daily. Only one of them is veg.. Now this guy (my colleague) is also an Ambi( Veggie Hindu Brahmin from South India) like me.. So here I am standing at his desk and thinking – ‘Poor soul, doesn’t realise he is having Bacon soup. Should I tell him or not?’ Finally, as he had just then started his soup, I did decide to tell him that he is having meat and prevent him from committing any further ‘Paapam’ or sacrilege..

Now is this Destiny? What are the odds of this being a coincidence? That I would choose to have soup that day, that I would choose to have it at my desk, that I would get up to microwave it, that I would pass by this guy, that I would choose to stop and say ‘Hi’, that he would also be having soup at the exact same time, that I would notice it, that he would have just started it..
What are the odds that all this is coincidence? Or is it destiny that I would stop by to save this guy?
I don’t know, you give me the answer....

By the way the soup story does not end there.. As I told him that he was having bacon he laughed out loud, had one look at my soup and let out a louder laugh.. Puzzled and a little frizzled, I quizzed him why.. It turned out that the joke was on me. I was the guy with the Bacon soup.. I had the wrong soup and not him.
I had become the Ammaanji(Gullible Hindu Brahmin from South India)!!!
So, I ask again, what are the odds?

This whole Soup philosophy came about because at the end of that incident my friend pronounced that it was destiny that saved me from having meat.. If it was indeed Destiny, then why make me buy the wrong soup at the first instance.. Was this some kinda game that this Destiny (whatever she is) is playing with me?
But why? Why soup? Why me? why Bacon?!??!

No... I don't think Madam Destiny is concerned about what soup I eat. That incident was merely coincidence. Destiny is more about the bigger picture.. What we ultimately become or where we reach in life.

So if Destiny is the ‘She who knows all’ that determines what we become, then what about the many self made zillionaires who claim to have made their own destiny.. What about Lance Armstrong, what about Sudha Chandran, what about Oscar Pistorius, what about Stephen Hawking, what about Abe Lincoln..



I really don’t have the answer.. You tell me...

Destiny

What does GOD give you?

The things and people you acquire for yourself in your life, how do you choose them? Do you really choose them or are they thrust upon you? Even if you do choose them, no one really has all the choices in the world.. So most probably you have a limited number of choices to choose from.. So the choices are thrust upon you... Is this concoction of circumstances, choices and resulting conclusion (confusion / commotion / call it what you may) - Is this the famously called ‘Destiny’. Destiny, the mischievous mistress or the mysterious missive handed down to mere mortals by the invisible hand of God..

So, what does GOD give you?

Does HE give you what you wish for?

Well.. Mostly he doesn’t, right? There have been very few blessed souls on this planet, at least in this Kali Yuga, who have had their wishes granted. It might also be due to the fact that most of us wish for the moon and the rest of us wish for the Moon, Mars and Pluto put together with a smattering of asteroids to taste. So we are told constantly, reminded relentlessly that HE does not give you what you want, instead HE gives you what is best for you.. Nice and comforting thought, eh? That takes us to the next question..

Does HE give you what is best for you?

Well the jury is still out on that one and the matter I guess is perpetually destined (yeah, it’s that lady destiny again) to be sub judice. Because, logically you can’t decide conclusively on what’s best for you until you have tried all options under the sun. Still, if you are a good guy and commit very few mistakes, then GOD being the kind hearted, noble and caring supreme being should logically give you what’s best for you.. So let’s for a moment assume that GOD gives you what’s best for you.. But is that really good for you? Lets park that thought for a moment and visit our third and thankfully final question.

Does HE give you what makes you happy?

Now... now... Even though GOD might give you what’s best for you, you might not be satisfied if that’s not what you had wished for. So you wouldn’t exactly be happy.

So what’s the solution for all of these? The solution is for us to do a proper pshyco-physio-socio analysis of one’s self and wish for what’s best for us. That way when GOD gives you what’s best for you, it will be exactly what you wish for and hence will make you happy.. Simple!!!!

Easier said than done. Right? Because in reality you have to consider another very fickle factor called as the MIND that constantly wishes for the Moon, Mars and Pluto put together...

That is why our desires and destiny don’t always match up...