Dubito, ergo Cogito, ergo Sum

I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am. Currently I have chosen to doubt my purpose in life.

So, what is the purpose of my existence in this world? Do I have a purpose at all? Does this single individual, living in this infinitesimally small city, in one of the smallest states in USA which is certainly not the largest country on earth, an average sized planet in the solar system, a motley collection of 8 (previously 9) planets in the milky way, one of the 80 billion observable galaxies in the universe, have a specific, custom made, specially designed purpose?

Isn’t it hard to believe that God sent this soul down to earth after traversing all the above with some specific hitherto unexcavated purpose? Isn’t it hard to believe that he has sent each of the 7 billion humans adorning (or should I say infesting) this planet with perhaps 7 billion unique purposes? Touch your heart and tell me. isn’t it hard to believe? Is it not?

So is this purpose something that is destined for you or something you search for yourself? How is it that some of us despite doing our best to reach someplace or achieve something, end up someplace else many times. So in that case what is our purpose? Is our purpose where we wanted to go or where we ended up going? Why is it that some of us despite wanting something higher, do not have the guts to let go of our current material existence and comfort? Why do we carry on continue doing things in the pretext of sustenance? Or is this what Karma (doing one’s duties for this birth) all about?

Is God the all encompassing powerful force somewhere out there who determines everything? Or is He the nice wonderful smiling supersoul within all of us nudging us time and again to rethink our priorities and preferences, decisions and desires. If our only purpose is to search for God, then should the search be within us and not without?

“Piravipperunkadal Neenthuvar neenthaar
Iraivanadi saeraathaar”, says Thiruvalluvar.

So then what IS my purpose? Is it to attain the Lotus feet of the Lord only? Are all other things only incidental? So do I need to be needlessly elated about successes or dejected about failures in my material life?

Right now, I have a lot of questions, but not many answers. I carry on doing my Karma (duties) for now... But the doubts, the resultant thoughts and questions about my purpose are constantly needling me..

Whatever my doubts about my purpose are, I have none about the existence of God...(I think so) And I shall endeavour to continue searching for Him... whether He is within or without me...